What is a Narcissist? 
"Have you been called a narcissist because you strive to be better, or because you do things differently?"

by Richard A. Allcorn © 

Someone I was close to once called me a narcissist … 

This told me that, though we had been together and close (I thought) for over 26 years, she really didn’t know me. 

narcissist: 
an excessive preoccupation with one's self, one's own worth, and one's own needs. It is typically associated with behaviors of self-elevation over others, entitlement, and delusional grandiosity ...

While narcissism, in and of itself, can be considered a normal personality trait, high levels of narcissistic behavior can be harmful to both self and others. Destructive narcissism is a category of narcissism between ordinary and pathological narcissism, and is marked by the display of some but not all of the characteristics usually associated with pathological Narcissistic Personality Disorder:

• a "pervasive pattern of grandiosity"
• feelings of entitlement and superiority,
• arrogant or haughty behaviors
• a generalized lack of empathy and concern for others 

While most normal people need the compliments and encouragement of others, a true narcissist does this at the expense of others, with an attitude of thinking that you and those around them are obstacles to their goals, and your needs and feelings are unimportant.  A true narcissist can seem rude and unfeeling because they are so focused on themself that they don’t care about others, how they feel or how they’ve hurt them. 

Sometimes, especially in today’s rapidly changing and volatile social environments, you may need to “not care” what others feel.  But that is an act of “self protection”, and not one of indifference.  If you have a dream, a vision, that you’re working towards, you may have people who do not believe in your dream or goal.  For example, the Bible teaches us that GOD wants us healed.  It’s not whether we’ve been good enough, or whether we earned it, GOD truly wants us healed.  He wants us prosperous.  He wants us to be successful.  But you will come across those who do not believe this!  They may be holding onto their poverty, or their sickness, and will fight for the right to keep it, by making you look like your beliefs are wrong!!  You read it in the Bible.  It was clear, and you are following it, and it’s working for you.  So, to protect your faith, and your beliefs, you may choose “not” to subject yourself to being around alot of others who believe the opposite, and who will constantly be contradicting you and attacking your beliefs, but that is an act of survival, NOT narcissism.  

This act of self-preservation is not the acts of a narcissist, but those of someone who wants to preserve their faith, may be their beliefs.  And you have that right!  In fact, if you are going to maintain those beliefs and that faith, separating yourself from those attacks and criticism may just be the best thing for you!  Are you a narcissist?  Heavens no!  Are you empathetic to the feelings of others?  Not-at-all!  But, you are not going to subject yourself to their attacks and their criticisms, for your own sake.  

What if you are one who insists that you have the best of everything?  In other words, you want things pristine, clean, with excellence.  Is that narcissism?  Not-at-all, but some would think you that way because they may, deep down inside, want the same things, but they have resolved to “give up” on their acquisition and these individuals think that you should to!  That’s not fair at all! 

Henry David Thoreau once said, “If one advances confidently in the directions of his dreams, and endeavors to live a life that he has imagined, he will reach a success that is unexpected in mere common dreams.”   He is simply saying that if you dream big, and go after those dreams, you’re successes will be much, much higher than those who don’t!  Is that narcissism?  No, it is not. 

However, if you are working towards and achieving these goals, at the expense of others, and are blindly ignoring the needs of others because you think they don’t matter, then you very much meet the qualifications of a narcissist!  A true narcissist doesn’t care!  They don’ really consider your needs important at all.  It’s one things for them to go after the things in life that they want, with the level of excellence that they desire.  However it is another thing if they do this by overrunning others and their needs.  A true narcissist is not into helping people at all.  For them, people are chess pieces in a game they are playing, and their only value is how much “gain” the narcissist can get from using them.  

I think these acts are horrible, unfeeling, and insensitive.  And the woman who thought me to be a narcissist, who I had known for many years, deemed me to be a narcissist only because I didn’t follow her rules and her guidelines of what she thought I should be or do.  They call this a controlling personality. They only see things the way “they” see them, and they judge everyone else by their standards alone.  What’s really bad is that they will tell others lies, slanted in the way it needs to be to support their beliefs, in order to separate you from others.  This is both device and likened to witchcraft, the manipulation of others.  

As for me, I’d just as soon lay the cards out on the table and let them fall where they may.  Not everyone is going to agree with your particular take on life.  And that’s ok, as long as you can learn to deal with that.  Sometimes, it means separating yourself from their destructive criticisms, and from their judgmental attitude end remarks.  You can still care about them, and be there for them, but trust comes hard now, because you’ve found that they are telling things behind your back that are not-at-all true.  

Life can be complicated.  You have to answer for one person, and one person alone, and that is “you”.  When it comes down to it, GOD is going to hold you accountable for “you”.  He judges you by your heart.  You’re not alway going to be perfect in your actions, but if you’re trying, and working towards a better “you”, then you’ll find that GOD is going to be there to help you become just that. 

What someone else does is likened to the differences you will find when you are in the wild.  Some wild creatures are docile and easy to deal with, despite the fact that they may do things differently.  You work with them as best you can, and avoid the ones that are difficult.  But there will be others, on the contrary, who are more agressive.  These are best to be avoided, to avert the confrontation and attacks.  With social media like we have now, it’s easy for cowards to hide behind their social access and make accusations and aggressions towards another in the anonymity of the online world.  There is in most cases, no accountability, and no retribution for their actions.  It’s like the guy who curses out others on the CB (citizens band radio).  Nobody knows who that guy is so he feels bold and daring to say “anything” without being responsible for his statements or actions.  

If you mistake someone for being a narcissist and accuse them of such, you may find that you are creating damage to a relationship you have with them that may be unrepairable once you utter those accusations. 

Remember, a narcissist:  

1. doesn’t care about the feelings and wants of others, or who they hurt  
2. competitive in their self-importance, feeling they are better than others
3. manipulative or controlling (like the one who called “me” a narcissist) 
4. puts their needs and importance above all others

Some “assumed signs” for a narcissist that may NOT BE a narcissist:  

1. need for approval or admiration -
   this is normal, especially for someone who has a poor self image.  That image needs to be cultured, lifted up, encouraged.  This does NOT make them a narcissist.
   
   
2. preoccupation with fantasies of success, prosperity, and excellence in their life -
   anyone who wants to be other than standard, or other than normal, ordinary, will be labeled a narcissist under this guise  … but that is simply not the case.  This does not make them a narcissist.  
   
   
3. a belief that they are special or unique -
   there is an old saying from wisdom, that tells us, if we hang out with contemptible people, we will eventually be like them; likewise if we hang out with winners, we will become winners.  (taken from Proverbs)  
   This is nothing more than choosing the environment you want to develop in.  This does NOT make you a narcissist.  
   
   
4. insisting they have the best of everything -
   while acting like a spoiled brat about it might truly be a narcissist, wanting to have better, live nicer and walk in a level of excellence does in no way make you a narcissist.  And just because YOUR VALUES are different some someone else’s does not qualify them to call you a narcissist.  If you have set goals for yourself that put and place you in areas that others maybe feel or overzealous, that in no way makes you a narcissist.  That just means you’ve set your goals higher than the others.  AND, you will most likely achieve those goals, when the others will not! They simply do not understand the levels that you have set for yourself to achieve; or, they are simply jealous.  

In surveys of narcissism, the following 10 traits seem to be consistent traits of a true narcissist:

1. a grandiose sense of self-importance
2. fantasies of unlimited success 
3. belief in being “special”  
4. requires excessive admiration 
5. sense of entitlement 
6. interpersonally exploitative 
7. lacking empathy 
8. envious or believes others to be envious 
9. arrogant or haughty behavior 
10. interpersonal dysfunction 

If you’re curious, take the quiz!  
Take a quiz to see if you are a narcissist …
https://www.axismh.com/post/the-10-harmful-traits-of-a-narcissist 

*I took it ... don't feel bad if you have some narcissist traits, most of us do.  But if you show up with most or all of these, you may need to seek a counselor.  

Bottom Line - If you have been accused of being a narcissist, and you are wanting to “self-check” yourself, to see if they are right, ask yourself these questions:  

1. do I think I am better than everyone around me?  (yes/no)
2. do the feelings of others around me lave little meaning to me?  (yes/no)
3. are you willing to deliberately run over someone else, regardless of how it may hurt them, to achieve your goals?   (yes/no)
4. are you so determined to have the things you want, even if it is at the expense of someone else?  (yes/no)
5. do you regularly orchestrate events, people and relationships, in order to achieve the things you want?  (yes/no)

If your answers to these questions above are “yes”, then you most likely ARE a narcissist!  However, if the idea of running over someone to get what you want offends, you, then you cannot be a narcissist.  Sometimes actions and events are perceived to be that, when your motivations were legitimate and sincere.  It’s when you really don’t care who you hurt, you are going to get what you want!  THAT is a very true narcissist.  

written by Richard A. Allcorn  

©Copyright 11/25/2024 - All rights reserved. 

 

#whatisanarcissist #falselyaccusedofnarcissism #richallcorn #richardaallcon

.