What is a Narcissist? 
"Have you been called a narcissist because you strive to be better, or because you do things differently?"

by Richard A. Allcorn © 

Someone I was close to once called me a narcissist … 

This told me that, though we had been together and close (I thought) for over 26 years, she really didn’t know me. 

narcissist: 
an excessive preoccupation with one's self, one's own worth, and one's own needs. It is typically associated with behaviors of self-elevation over others, entitlement, and delusional grandiosity ...

While narcissism, in and of itself, can be considered a normal personality trait, high levels of narcissistic behavior can be harmful to both self and others. Destructive narcissism is a category of narcissism between ordinary and pathological narcissism, and is marked by the display of some but not all of the characteristics usually associated with pathological Narcissistic Personality Disorder:

• a "pervasive pattern of grandiosity"
• feelings of entitlement and superiority,
• arrogant or haughty behaviors
• a generalized lack of empathy and concern for others 

While most normal people need the compliments and encouragement of others, a true narcissist does this at the expense of others, with an attitude of thinking that you and those around them are obstacles to their goals, and your needs and feelings are unimportant.  A true narcissist can seem rude and unfeeling because they are so focused on themself that they don’t care about others, how they feel or how they’ve hurt them. 

Sometimes, especially in today’s rapidly changing and volatile social environments, you may need to “not care” what others feel.  But that is an act of “self protection”, and not one of indifference.  If you have a dream, a vision, that you’re working towards, you may have people who do not believe in your dream or goal.  For example, the Bible teaches us that GOD wants us healed.  It’s not whether we’ve been good enough, or whether we earned it, GOD truly wants us healed.  He wants us prosperous.  He wants us to be successful.  But you will come across those who do not believe this!  They may be holding onto their poverty, or their sickness, and will fight for the right to keep it, by making you look like your beliefs are wrong!!  You read it in the Bible.  It was clear, and you are following it, and it’s working for you.  So, to protect your faith, and your beliefs, you may choose “not” to subject yourself to being around alot of others who believe the opposite, and who will constantly be contradicting you and attacking your beliefs, but that is an act of survival, NOT narcissism.  

This act of self-preservation is not the acts of a narcissist, but those of someone who wants to preserve their faith, may be their beliefs.  And you have that right!  In fact, if you are going to maintain those beliefs and that faith, separating yourself from those attacks and criticism may just be the best thing for you!  Are you a narcissist?  Heavens no!  Are you empathetic to the feelings of others?  Not-at-all!  But, you are not going to subject yourself to their attacks and their criticisms, for your own sake.  

What if you are one who insists that you have the best of everything?  In other words, you want things pristine, clean, with excellence.  Is that narcissism?  Not-at-all, but some would think you that way because they may, deep down inside, want the same things, but they have resolved to “give up” on their acquisition and these individuals think that you should to!  That’s not fair at all! 

Henry David Thoreau once said, “If one advances confidently in the directions of his dreams, and endeavors to live a life that he has imagined, he will reach a success that is unexpected in mere common dreams.”   He is simply saying that if you dream big, and go after those dreams, you’re successes will be much, much higher than those who don’t!  Is that narcissism?  No, it is not. 

However, if you are working towards and achieving these goals, at the expense of others, and are blindly ignoring the needs of others because you think they don’t matter, then you very much meet the qualifications of a narcissist!  A true narcissist doesn’t care!  They don’ really consider your needs important at all.  It’s one things for them to go after the things in life that they want, with the level of excellence that they desire.  However it is another thing if they do this by overrunning others and their needs.  A true narcissist is not into helping people at all.  For them, people are chess pieces in a game they are playing, and their only value is how much “gain” the narcissist can get from using them.  

I think these acts are horrible, unfeeling, and insensitive.  And the woman who thought me to be a narcissist, who I had known for many years, deemed me to be a narcissist only because I didn’t follow her rules and her guidelines of what she thought I should be or do.  They call this a controlling personality. They only see things the way “they” see them, and they judge everyone else by their standards alone.  What’s really bad is that they will tell others lies, slanted in the way it needs to be to support their beliefs, in order to separate you from others.  This is both device and likened to witchcraft, the manipulation of others.  

As for me, I’d just as soon lay the cards out on the table and let them fall where they may.  Not everyone is going to agree with your particular take on life.  And that’s ok, as long as you can learn to deal with that.  Sometimes, it means separating yourself from their destructive criticisms, and from their judgmental attitude end remarks.  You can still care about them, and be there for them, but trust comes hard now, because you’ve found that they are telling things behind your back that are not-at-all true.  

Life can be complicated.  You have to answer for one person, and one person alone, and that is “you”.  When it comes down to it, GOD is going to hold you accountable for “you”.  He judges you by your heart.  You’re not alway going to be perfect in your actions, but if you’re trying, and working towards a better “you”, then you’ll find that GOD is going to be there to help you become just that. 

What someone else does is likened to the differences you will find when you are in the wild.  Some wild creatures are docile and easy to deal with, despite the fact that they may do things differently.  You work with them as best you can, and avoid the ones that are difficult.  But there will be others, on the contrary, who are more agressive.  These are best to be avoided, to avert the confrontation and attacks.  With social media like we have now, it’s easy for cowards to hide behind their social access and make accusations and aggressions towards another in the anonymity of the online world.  There is in most cases, no accountability, and no retribution for their actions.  It’s like the guy who curses out others on the CB (citizens band radio).  Nobody knows who that guy is so he feels bold and daring to say “anything” without being responsible for his statements or actions.  

If you mistake someone for being a narcissist and accuse them of such, you may find that you are creating damage to a relationship you have with them that may be unrepairable once you utter those accusations. 

Remember, a narcissist:  

1. doesn’t care about the feelings and wants of others, or who they hurt  
2. competitive in their self-importance, feeling they are better than others
3. manipulative or controlling (like the one who called “me” a narcissist) 
4. puts their needs and importance above all others

Some “assumed signs” for a narcissist that may NOT BE a narcissist:  

1. need for approval or admiration -
   this is normal, especially for someone who has a poor self image.  That image needs to be cultured, lifted up, encouraged.  This does NOT make them a narcissist.
   
   
2. preoccupation with fantasies of success, prosperity, and excellence in their life -
   anyone who wants to be other than standard, or other than normal, ordinary, will be labeled a narcissist under this guise  … but that is simply not the case.  This does not make them a narcissist.  
   
   
3. a belief that they are special or unique -
   there is an old saying from wisdom, that tells us, if we hang out with contemptible people, we will eventually be like them; likewise if we hang out with winners, we will become winners.  (taken from Proverbs)  
   This is nothing more than choosing the environment you want to develop in.  This does NOT make you a narcissist.  
   
   
4. insisting they have the best of everything -
   while acting like a spoiled brat about it might truly be a narcissist, wanting to have better, live nicer and walk in a level of excellence does in no way make you a narcissist.  And just because YOUR VALUES are different some someone else’s does not qualify them to call you a narcissist.  If you have set goals for yourself that put and place you in areas that others maybe feel or overzealous, that in no way makes you a narcissist.  That just means you’ve set your goals higher than the others.  AND, you will most likely achieve those goals, when the others will not! They simply do not understand the levels that you have set for yourself to achieve; or, they are simply jealous.  

In surveys of narcissism, the following 10 traits seem to be consistent traits of a true narcissist:

1. a grandiose sense of self-importance
2. fantasies of unlimited success 
3. belief in being “special”  
4. requires excessive admiration 
5. sense of entitlement 
6. interpersonally exploitative 
7. lacking empathy 
8. envious or believes others to be envious 
9. arrogant or haughty behavior 
10. interpersonal dysfunction 

If you’re curious, take the quiz!  
Take a quiz to see if you are a narcissist …
https://www.axismh.com/post/the-10-harmful-traits-of-a-narcissist 

*I took it ... don't feel bad if you have some narcissist traits, most of us do.  But if you show up with most or all of these, you may need to seek a counselor.  

Bottom Line - If you have been accused of being a narcissist, and you are wanting to “self-check” yourself, to see if they are right, ask yourself these questions:  

1. do I think I am better than everyone around me?  (yes/no)
2. do the feelings of others around me lave little meaning to me?  (yes/no)
3. are you willing to deliberately run over someone else, regardless of how it may hurt them, to achieve your goals?   (yes/no)
4. are you so determined to have the things you want, even if it is at the expense of someone else?  (yes/no)
5. do you regularly orchestrate events, people and relationships, in order to achieve the things you want?  (yes/no)

If your answers to these questions above are “yes”, then you most likely ARE a narcissist!  However, if the idea of running over someone to get what you want offends, you, then you cannot be a narcissist.  Sometimes actions and events are perceived to be that, when your motivations were legitimate and sincere.  It’s when you really don’t care who you hurt, you are going to get what you want!  THAT is a very true narcissist.  

written by Richard A. Allcorn  

©Copyright 11/25/2024 - All rights reserved. 

 

#whatisanarcissist #falselyaccusedofnarcissism #richallcorn #richardaallcon

.

Just What Really IS Love! 
"Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another ..."

by Richard A. Allcorn © 

I've had to do a lot of soul searching here lately, and find that "riding the fence" does nothing for you but rips up your breeches with the barbed wire.  Why do we use barbed wire for our fences?  To keep you "off" the fence.  

I love people, and I love GOD, but I am not perfect.  I will be the first to admit that, folks.  I have recently had to clean up a lot of stuff in my life, delete and close Twitter accounts, etc. and I'm still finding stuff that has to go.  We all have to do that now and again ... it's an ongoing process.

Being a Christian is not about being flawless!  And if you thought it was ... think again!  It's about managing your life, cleaning up areas of compromise, and constantly seeking GOD, asking, "Ok, now what next to do I need to fix."

The biggest problem in a Christian life is dealing with people that see you from a distance, who mount their judgement throne and, like a parasite, they go for the jugular!  People don't try to sin, it just happens.  Most are looking for a way out of it.  And as Christian brothers and sisters, our job is to pray for one another, not judge them.  Our job is to encourage them to righteousness, and help them to see themselves as GOD sees them.  James 5:16 says we are to "pray for one another, that you may be healed."  Ephesians 6:18 says, "Never stop praying, especially for others.  Always pray by the power of the Spirit." 

All to often though, we come across folks who claim to know GOD, but treat their brothers and sisters like the devil.  GOD is all about love, forgiveness, and especially restoration.  Why is it that Christians are the only faith that crucify our own wounded?  Why is it when we see a brother or sister in sin, we side up with the devils group and crucify them?  When the Bible said to "pray by the power of the Spirit", it was talking by the power of the spirit "of GOD", not of Satan.  When you side with the devil, you commit the sin of Adam, and return to that which you were supposed to be saved from!

Your job, as a representative of the Family of GOD, is to go to them, lift them up, encourage them, pray for them and over them, and help them get back on-track with GOD's plan for their life.  But if you're hiding in the shadows and talking about them, criticizing them, and spreading rumors about them, you just became a partner with Satan in destroying them, and THAT is what his whole goal was to start with!  

Clean up your own life, first.  Go to GOD and ask HIM to show you areas that "you" need to fix.  Then go to the person you have issues with, in love, and encourage them, pray with them, and help them "see" what GOD sees ... so that they become what GOD created them to be.  Don't find yourself before the throne of GOD one day being asked, "Why did you play a big part in the destruction of the life of your brother (or sister)?  Which side are you on?"

If you see me messing up, come to me!  Confront me, in love, and help me beat whatever it was that you saw in my life.  Why?  Because I've spent over 65 years in this Earth, learning things that GOD wants me to share.  And if you work against my success instead of praying for me, encouraging me, and helping me get back on my feet, then "YOU" just became Satan's single best tool to use towards my destruction!  If you only knew how scared Satan is, that I am going to tell, teach and share what GOD has shown me ...  Get with GOD's program, and stop sneaking around in Satan's camp, spreading gossip and pointing fingers!  PRAY!!!  And if you don't know how to pray, pray in the Spirit.  But PRAY!  Lord knows I need it...  

By the way, "THANK YOU" to all of you who have been encouraging me, lifting me up, and praying for me.  I seriously WANT to see GOD work in my life and yours!  And of recent, GOD has pointed out to me that Satan is working diligently to shut me down ...  but I refuse to quit!  I refuse to fail!  And I refuse to allow the weaknesses of this flesh to hinder my calling and my purpose here in the Earth.  

I challenge you, if you call yourself a Christian, to be a help and an encouragement to those around you that you see who need help.  GOD didn't point them out to you, like some sniper so you could finish them off.  HE wants you to pray for them, befriend them, and lift them up ... to glorify HIM.  

The Bible is full of example of how GOD used a jack-ass to get things done.  I am a living example ...   so lift me up, pray for me, 'cause I'm coming back!! 

I am returning to THE CALLING that HE placed upon my life. 
(I won't get any sleep UNTIL I do.)

by Richard A. Allcorn  

© Copyright  All rights reserved.  12/09/2024

#whatislove #richallcorn #richardaallcorn #love #richallcornblogs

 

Going Through Rough Times? 
"GOD is removing the chaff, and those in your life that need to go ..."

by Richard A. Allcorn   

Sometimes GOD will isolate you, before HE elevates you.  You may think that everything is falling apart around you, but in reality everything is falling into place.  Old things are being stripped away.  And people in your life are sometimes included in that purging.  

Often, we have people in our lives who pretend to care, pretend to love, and pretend to have your back.  But when the pressure is on, and the rumors begin to fly, and gossip is spread, these are the individuals who will leave you alone, on your own, with noone to help … noone to turn to.  They will believe the lies and join in with your accusers, without ever once taking the time to come to you to find out the truth.  

These are the individuals who will stand in judgement over your life, though GOD never appointed them to that position.  They will criticize you, maybe chastise you, or even worse, talk about you, behind your back!  They will spread the rumors and the lies, as though they were the verified gospel truth, and while doing so, they become your enemy, your judge, your accuser.  This is called “siding with Satan”.  They don’t even realize they’re doing this.  They become self-righteous, standing tall because they believe in their own minds that their attitudes against you are right, and justifiable, and that they are upholding principles of value and worth.  But the fact of the matter is, their actions are 180° against the Word of GOD, and counter-Christian, not-at-all Christ-like.  They have, without realizing it, become a co-agent with Satan in the attacks upon you, and will be a valued force and tool, in his schemes, to destroy you.  

 

When you're in one of these isolation scenarios, you will find that GOD will also take advantage of this time to expose those around you, who are like this, people that you cannot trust, who are critical and quick to judge, believing rumors and hearsay easily, rather than seeking you out to discover the truth. 

We're moving into a time when GOD's Spirit is going to begin separating the wheat from the chaff.  In these last days the Bible tells us that sons will go against their fathers, and daughters against their mothers, with no real love shown, nor a desire for restoration or forgiveness. 

In many cases, these are casualties of Satan’s deceptions, where he has persuaded them that by taking a stance against you they are being righteous, and upholding GOD’s will in their lives.  If we get to where we jump on and attack those around us who are under his attack, those who fall, then we've sided with Satan, in helping in that persons destruction!  We become a “double-agent”, claiming to love GOD and serve HIM, and yet, we are sneaking off and siding with Satan on his attacks against our own family (fellow believer’s), and helping in their destruction.  

Satan is attacking and working against all of us, more than ever before!  His efforts are to find weaknesses and exploit them.  He wants to confuse the truth in your mind, dash any hopes you might have of becoming what GOD called you to be, and establishing an inner image of defeat and hopelessness.  And as these other, well-meaning individuals join with Satan in his attacks against you, often he is able to destroy the light, the fire, the hope, that is inside your spirit.  And “that” is his goal!  

The Bible teaches us that we are to reach out to them, and to pray for them.  But if our actions are not in keeping with our prayers, then our prayers are of none affect, because we're not walking in love.  All of the gift of the spirit are that way ... if you're not walking in love, they just won't work!  So, when you pray for someone, but your actions are contrary to those prayers, it’s like the sails on a ship on a calm and still day.  There is no power in your prayers, because “you”, unknowingly, have pulled back the force of faith behind them.  They become useless, empty words.  

So, if you find yourself going through one of the times, when you feel isolated, seek the Word of GOD.  Seek men and woman of GOD.  The Bible tells us that you will know them by their fruits.  Seek out those who are seekers of the truth, encouraging you, uplifting you, and endeavoring to help you to reach your full potential in GOD and His calling on your life.  

Your life is not falling apart.  GOD is just cleaning off the chaff, the rough edges that need to be done away with.  And sometimes, that means that even relationships have to change.  

He has your back.  He always will …

written by Richard A. Allcorn  

©Copyright 11/25/2024 - All rights reserved. 

 

#goingthroughroughtimes  #richallcorn #richardaallcon #thebelievershandbook 

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You Need An Empowering, a Refreshing! 
"I never called you just to circle the mountain, but to come forth ..."

by Richard A. Allcorn   

On October 18, 1986, a prophet at Maranatha Campus Ministries, Nick Pappis, was preaching at a local church in Austin Texas.  He and I knew each other, but I could tell that this "word" from GOD took him by surprise, as he came up to me during a service, and said ...

"Wanderer, oh wanderer in the dry desert places - Know that I've not caused you to circle the mountain, but I've called you forth, that my word might rest in your heart, and my spirit might well up within you in abundance, and flow out to others. For I put a vision and a dream in your heart, years ago, but you've let the vision and the dream die.

Even though there's a facade of joy and contentment, I know your heart, says the Lord, and you've been wandering. You've been circling a mountain without beginning, without end, -- and I would say wanderer, wanderer, when will you come to my first call? When will you come back to the word that I first spoke to you to see my ministry, and my purposes fulfilled in your heart?"

"For I'm gonna speak to you in this nights season. I'm gonna speak 'very clearly’ to you: you need direction, you need refreshing, you need a renewing- an empowering. I want you to be obedient, says the Lord." 

I "knew" that this word surprised Nick, because of what he said afterwards:  

"Now, I don't know anything. I don't know anything. But I felt that word very strong. Whatever it means, whatever it means you can tell me, er, I don't know? You don't, you don't have to tell me now, but I just felt God spoke somethin', and God wants to speak to you."

It was obviously a Word from GOD.  It hit Nick so hard that he couldn’t hold it back, and it rather surprised him, I think.  Nonetheless, he later said he felt the power of it from GOD so much that he wanted to help.  He could “see” the situation in the spirit and he wanted to help me get on-track with what GOD had called me to do.  

He said, “Wanderer, wander, in the “dry desert places” …  places where there is no water, no life-giving spiritual water for me.  I am not being fed.  I am not nourished, spiritually.  

He goes on to say, “Know that I’ve NOT caused you to circle the mountain”, like others, who seek the presence of GOD, and want to be around it, but apparently GOD has called “me” to come into His midst and feed on HIS presence.  “… but I have called you forth, that My Word might rest in your heart, and My Spirit might well up within you in abundance, and FLOW OUT TO OTHERS.”  

GOD is saying that He hasn’t called me to be a “crowd member”, but He has called me to come into His Presence, to “come forth” into the midst of GOD’s Spirit and His Word, and fill my heart with His Word and HIs understanding, that I might be “filled with His Presence” so that I can take that presence, and His Word and present it and feed it … to others.  GOD placed a vision and a dream in my heart to be HIS prophet, and HIS mouthpiece.  But, as he put in the prophetic utterance, “… but, you’ve let the vision and the dream die.”  And now GOD is saying that I have been circling the mountain, in an endless journey going nowhere.   He is asking me, “When will you come back to the Word that I first spoke to you … ‘to see My Ministry, and My Purposes fulfilled in your heart.’”  GOD “WANTS ME” to press-in and BE what he called me to be. 

His instructions?  

“You need direction, refreshing, a renewing, an “empowering” … to get “charged up” and filled with HIS Presence, so that I have the “eye of the tiger” again in my life.  

P. S.   Please, keep me in your prayers …*


*please, don't pray just a token, “Bless him Father …” prayer, I’m talking about "War Room" level intercession!  
 Thanks.

by Richard A. Allcorn  

© Copyright  All rights reserved.  08/06/2024

website: http://rich.allcorn.us

#findingthewillofgod #forgiveness #prayer #richallcorn #richardaallcorn #richallcornblogs #wordchurch